my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
