I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
