Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
