What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
