Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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