Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
