I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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