Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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