he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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