all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My dick has a subreddit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
