i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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