when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize