Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
