I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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