in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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