Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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