We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
