I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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