Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
