NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
