She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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