so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
