hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
