I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
