I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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