I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
