alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
