dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
