So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
