Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
