you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize