I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
