hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
