I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
