I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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