there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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