Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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