why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
