I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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