is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
