You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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