I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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