New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
