he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
