you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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