So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
