She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
