Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
