I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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