I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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