I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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