Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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