wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
