The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sext me about skeletons
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
