Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
