I got chris browned last night
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
