just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
