I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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