Cold hands, warm shart.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
