thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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