I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
