tell your sister to shave her snatch
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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