im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
