ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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