Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize