After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
