..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
