I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
