Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?