smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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