so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
