i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.