Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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