Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
do herpes really smell.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
