I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
