went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
