we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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