so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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