dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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